Life has been life-ing lately. This week I caught myself spiraling a bit. It happens. But instead of letting the spiral take full control, I took a beat to feel all the feelings and figure out what was at the root of this. Without awareness, you have nothing to work off of, so that’s where I started.
Taking a pause looks different for all of us. For me it looked like taking a day off. I let myself have a “do nothing” day and instead spent the day doing what makes me feel good. I meditated, got in a low intensity workout at the gym, and spent some time in the sauna. I wrote a gratitude list. I let myself cry. I let myself get real about what was bothering me. This day spent in solitude accompanied by my favorite self-care practices revealed so much to me.
I realized I got a little caught up tying my happiness to future circumstances. It’s normal to set goals and want to manifest better for yourself. What’s unhelpful is when you decide that happiness will come when those things do. When you set that in your mind, you’re constantly on the chase for happiness but never actually connecting to it.
Because of some hardships I’m going through right now, it feels easier to think that happiness is waiting for me somewhere out in the future. The reality is that happiness is available to me right now. I just need to be willing to welcome it in despite whatever other circumstances exist to make me believe happiness is something of the future.
If you’ve caught yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when…” then you can probably relate to how I’ve been feeling. We can’t let the worst of our circumstances determine our happiness. After reflecting on this and realizing where this rut was coming from, I decided I want to choose happiness right now. Of course that doesn’t happen with the flip of a switch. I’m really leaning on my daily gratitude practice to help me focus my energy on all the good that exists in my life. It’s retraining my mind to look for the positive rather than dwell on what may be lacking.
Other than this, what I’m most proud of is that I’ve given myself grace throughout this little rut. I’ve validated myself, made space for myself, and took care of myself. It feels good to know I can depend on myself to show up for me when I’m in need. I encourage you to offer yourself that same grace, and allow yourself to go through the process of reflecting and feeling without any judgment.
If you have any time off during the upcoming holidays (or even if you don’t), I recommend securing a “do nothing” day. Spend that time reconnecting with yourself and figuring out what it is you need from you right now.
With love,
Kat